My Top Five Least Favorite Broadway Shows
73Be warned; Some of these admissions may shock you.
There are some things that we, as musicians and as music-loving people, have evolved beyond. Some stories that we've now heard too many times to count; some stories that weren't that great to begin with; some conventions that have been DONE TO DEATH in the same exact fashion we now know we can exceed. These are the things I protest. Now, I'll be honest, some of these shows I don't dislike- some of which I own in various incarnations. But that doesn't mean that I'm not sick to death of them and ready for something different, something powerful, something I don't mind spending my hard-earned money on.
I felt the need to speak on these feelings after this year's Tony Awards. What gets awarded? South Pacific- done to death, and In the Heights- a non-musical musical. I strongly dislike this new Broadway trend toward more pop-like music and less traditional stagings. Does this seem at odds with my opening paragraph? Yes- but I'll clarify. I blame these old shows that we keep seeing revived in every community theatre in the country and even on Broadway. If people were reminded of the great things Broadway has done for music and get away from the easier, antiquated songs and dances, then perhaps they wouldn't react by giving me a show like In the Heights (I'm sorry, I just don't like it; I've tried).
Annie
Yes, the story of little orphan Annie is on my list of "please no more!" Perhaps it's because I've been so exposed to it that I strongly dislike it- some community theatre group is always doing it somewhere nearby and there are multiple film versions. But Annie never got to me the way it's supposed to, not even when I was a kid. As an analytical adult, here's why not-
- Children on stage- Having a bit of theatre experience myself, may I just comment on how much I hate working with child actors. It complicates everything while you're trying to keep them quiet and contained and performing happily, and no matter how talented the kid is, the larger concepts of what is going on is going to be lost on him. Besides, it just gives the other actors another thing that can go very wrong while onstage!
- Unremarkable music- Come on, everyone can name the two big songs from Annie that people take away from the show: "It's a Hard Knock Life" and "Tomorrow." They're both so HOKEY. It's a hard life for everyone kids, and tomorrow will ALWAYS be only a day away. These are the kinds of songs that give musicals a bad image in the non-musical world.
- Unremarkable experience- Compare the feeling you have when you leave the theatre after seeing Annie to the feeling you have after you've watched Sweeney Todd, or Les Mis, or even Mamma Mia! and you'll see my point. There's just not that much to this story.
Grease
Grease is the word...a word that is on the lips of everyone who has ever been to high school and watched TV. We've all seen Grease- everyone saw it when it came out, and everyone still watches it when it comes on VH1 when they decide to actually show music. And even if we hadn't all seen the movie, every high school and community theatre does Grease because it isn't terribly difficult. So why are we showing it on Broadway again? When a piece is set in such a distinct period like Grease, it's hard to do too much differently to give it a sense of freshness.
Now I don't object to Grease on principle. I'll admit that I own the movie from my high school days. It's fun, it's got some catchy tunes, it's got a few lovable characters. But it's not too deep, and we've been over-exposed to it! Let's all move on.
Oklahoma!
Oklahoma! is my go-to example of a musical that we've "evolved past." It may have been ground-breaking and marvelous back in the day for a guy to come on stage and sing about a beautiful morning, but we get the idea by now. Like most Rodgers and Hammerstein pieces, the music doesn't hold many charms for the modern audience, and the lyrics really date the show. And really, what's so exciting about Oklahoma anyway?
Starlight Express
Ok, now this for me is a concept that just didn't work. It never fails to shock me that this is the second longest-running show in world due to its success in England (the show didn't do too well in America). And I'm a fan of Andrew Lloyd Webber, a big fan, which I guess is the saving grace of this show for some people. For me, I just can't accept that these actors on roller skates (yeah, it's the roller-skating musical that came before Xanadu) are supposed to be TRAINS. Living, feeling, singing, emoting trains. It just doesn't work for me at all. Now the story started out as a bedtime story for Lord Webber's kids, which is guess makes it more understandable, but I just can't put myself into a place where I can appreciate the show. It's too weird, and the music isn't accessible enough on its own to help me get past the odd premise.
West Side Story
I hate to admit that anything Sondheim was involved in is less than wonderful, but I'm afraid it's true. Yes, West Side Story is one of the most beloved musicals of all time (and that didn't stop me from hating on Oklahoma!) but that doesn't mean that it's competition for the good stuff that's come out since. To be honest, there aren't too many musicals that came out before the 70's that I'm a fan of- I love My Fair Lady, Guys and Dolls, and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, The Sound of Music, and a few select pieces of other shows. The music just doesn't reach me the way modern musicals do, and the concepts and themes are mostly very safe, very fluffy, and nothing that's going to change your life. The stuff sounds dated, the lyrics are very dated, and all the singers are high sopranos and freakish tenors.
West Side Story has an immediate strike against it for me. It's based on Romeo and Juliet, and no matter how much I love Shakespeare, I can't say this play is one of his best. The story is ridiculous. Kids falling in love so deeply at first sight that they're willing to die over it? Absurd. But West Side Story adds silly dance-fighting and ridiculously high voices to a storyline that doesn't hold my interest. You watch Tony and Maria instantly fall deeply in love and start immediately causing problems and you start thinking "really?" Then they begin crooning in an octave that only the dogs can hear, and I find myself thinking just how far musicals have come.
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There there, boy. Actors must act. Don't feel too bad- I was in "Arsenic and Old Lace," another favorite of the community theatre crowd.
You forgot about Hairspray.
What about the shows that center around major selections from a vocal group, e.g., ABBA?
Funny you should mention. Originally, I had included Hairspray on this list. I had left off Annie, which bears the brunt of my musical wrath, so Hairspray was bumped from the top 5 as its evils are fewer.
Musicals based on the hits of a popular band or artist are tricky. ABBA got lucky with Mamma Mia- they incorporated the songs into the show well and they didn't seem out of place or hokey or forced. But if you know Chess, you know that their music lends itself to the stage- they have a lot of musicality to them.
Other shows based on the works of a group- Movin' Out (Billy Joel) or We Will Rock You (Queen) aren't as well done or well received in my opinion. The music is still good, but it doesn't fit the form of a musical as well. Ok, the Movin' Out thing is a personal pet peeve. It's a good show, but I just prefer Billy Joel's unique way of expressing himself when he sings. Others, like the Johnny Cash musical Ring of Fire, crash and burn on Broadway.
I agree with them all except Starlight Express, which I am iffy about. I saw it in its original format in the West End, and I was amazed (I was about ten, bear in mind). The music and songs are not the best - there's some catchy stuff that gets stuck in my head - but the concept is (or at least was) something so totally different to all other musicals. I really loved it.
But then they closed in London and went on tour, using CGI instead of having the races round the auditorium. Because I had loved it so much as a kid, I went to see it again, this time aged about seventeen. And I was severely unimpressed. It ruined the magic of the original for me, and I won't forgive it.
For a start, every time they restage it, they change the score - come on people, there is a limit to the number of times you can change a show without it ending up totally different. My mum has seen it about five times now and she says it's been different every time.
And musicals should be about what is on the stage, not what is on the screen. That's a film, not a stage musical...
Starlight is still playing in its original format (auditorium track) in Germany, which is where I am currently resident, and I've thought about seeing it, but I don't think I will. I have very fond childhood memories of it, but there are much better things out there - I would rather see Beauty and the Beast; Les Miserables; Phantom of the Opera; I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change; or Rent. (Which I am going to see tomorrow, actually.)
I think our personal taste in musicals changes as we get older and that has something to do with it as well. I personally hated Cats when I first saw it (I detest Memory, I'm sorry, I do);it is only in the past year that I have come to really appreciate and enjoy the visual spectacle of the show and the annoying catchiness of the numbers. (But I still really, really hate Memory...)
(I still prefer the above named ones though.)
Yay RENT! I'm actually in a production of RENT right now :-)
Funny you should mention the German Starlight Express. I had a conversation about that production just a few days ago with a friend who used to perform professionally in Germany (she was in the original Der Glockner von Notre Dame. YEAH.) and she was telling me that it was the best production of that show by far. I'd still be hesitant to see it, but it's nice to know that it's still being done well and that version is well-received.
Sad that you hate "Memory" so much. I rather like it.
Well, the world would be a very boring place if we all liked the same things! Personally, I didn't think that the film of RENT was all that bad - not brilliant, but not catastrophic either. Mind you, this could be because I have never seen it played live with a complete professional company. Or in English.
The German Starlight is supposed to be the best in the world, but I can't judge.
I'll agree with you. RENT wasn't a terrible film. I really liked it until I saw the stage show...then I found I just couldn't watch it anymore. It left out so much of the good stuff! Now that I'm in RENT and making that emotional journey every day, I don't know that I could ever watch the film again...this is an occupational hazard for an actor.
phentleman 3 years ago
Agreed on every single point. I personally liked the "crooning in an octave only dogs can hear". I laughed out loud at that one, because it's so true! =)
I still think it's funny that I truly hate Annie so much, yet, I'm still in it. *headdesk*