Greek Myths That Leave Something To Be Desired

I'm currently taking a class in mythology. It's a senior-level college course, and it's proving to be one of the most fascinating and enlightening classes I've taken in my academic career. I had a test today, and while I was studying, it occured to me that some of the stories I was reading and poring over were somewhat unsatisfying. I have a favorite myth that I've always felt was largely misunderstood or seen in the wrong light, and that got me to thinking about what else could be turned around a bit in myth if we looked at them from a more contemporary perspective. So here's some of my newly acquired mythical pet peeves.

This is my favorite myth. It wasn't always, and on the surface it seems fairly fluffy. We have this myth to explain away the seasons, right? But there's so much more to it, and something about it has always resonated with me. Here's the basic story- Zeus decides to set up his older brother Hades with his daughter Persephone. So Hades comes to the earth, snatches the girl, takes her back into the Underworld where he is lord, and makes her his wife. Demeter, Persephone's mother and goddess of fertility, is really freaked out that he daughter's gone, and curses the earth not to produce until Persephone is returned. People starve. Zeus realizes that this is bad. He sends Hermes to get Persephone and take her back to her mom. But crafty Hades gives her pomegranate seeds to eat, and as she has eaten the food of the dead, she is bound to him. She stays with her mother for half of the year, during which time the earth prospers and thrives, and she returns to her husband for the other half, during which the earth dies. Et voila.

Here's my issue:

• Persephone really didn't get a bad deal here. She is married to Hades, one of the most powerful beings on earth, which makes her Queen of the Underworld and revered among the gods and mortals alike. He clearly loves her, as there are no myths about him straying or dallying with the mortals. And she gets to come into her own as a woman- before the abduction, she was known as "the maiden." She gets to become a wife AND queen.
• Demeter is a classic over-protective parent. Her daughter ran off and got married, and so she harrasses everyone on Olympus and curses the earth until somebody caves and brings her daughter back. Really Demeter? That's a bit much.
• Plus Demeter just comes across as really whiny. As stated, Hades wasn't a bad catch, if a girl could get used to the dead souls always hanging around.
• I just wrote an essay about how important this myth is symbolically, as Persephone completes the cyclical process of womanhood and of life. This story is an important part of mythic tradition, and I don't like the bad rap it gets. Some scholars call it the rape of Persephone. I'd love to hear the story where it was all totally consentual and the months the couple had to spend apart were tortuously long.
• Notice the picture of the Grecian vase. That's how they saw Hades and Persephone. It's domestic, peaceful, prosperous...just the pair, hanging at home on the couch. They seem happy. She doesn't seem loathe to be there, and he doesn't seem to be forcing anything. Just saying. I don't think the ancient Greeks thought it was so terrible.

I think this is a really sweet story. I do. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. But at the same time...hrm...as most mortals do in mythology, Psyche seems remarkably dumb. Basic story- Psyche is so lovely that people begin to worship her, a mere mortal, over Aphrodite. Aphrodite doesn't appreciate this, so she sends her son Eros (or Cupid) to shoot her with his arrows and make her fall in love with something hideous. When he goes to do it, he is so taken with her himself that he ends up stabbing himself with his own arrow, thus falling in love with her. So he sets it up where her family thinks she's cursed and so they leave her to die on a hill. He brings her to him and they're married, but she never sees him. He only comes to her at night, and she never sees him. But she's ok with it. Then her sisters come to visit, they plant the suspicion in her that he's evil and will kill her (ah, jealous sisters!), so she spies on him. Shockingly, he's Eros and beautiful, so she is so distraught with her discovery that she burns him with her lamp. He flees her side as she's broken faith with him...and she endeavors to win him back by enduring endless trials from Aphrodite. Long story short, they get back together and live happily ever after. Which is convenient, as love (Eros) and the soul (Psyche) are meant to be together.

Here's my issue:

• I hate to seem redundant here, but dear lord, Psyche. If the man is attentive and sweet and your loving husband, don't ask too many questions! You're already luckier than most women. But no...you had to get greedy!
• Don't listen to your sisters when you've suddenly become wealthy and happy. They'll always try to bring you down from your happy place. It's a female thing.
• IF you do decide to listen to said evil sisters, please remember that they've never met, seen, heard from aforementioned loving husband. Whose side are you on, anyway?
• Aphrodite has never been a favorite of mine. I'll go off on that in a bit. But she's like a petulant child in this story. She sulks because Psyche gets attention, then she locks Eros away in her temple while forcing Psyche to endure impossible physical trials for her amusement. That's just cold for the goddess of love. Really.

I'm sure Zeus thought he was just helping the guy out when he hooked him up with Aphrodite, the most beautiful thing ever, but Hephaestos got the shaft. What's going to happen when the goddess of love and beauty and sexuality gets married off to the only imperfect god? She sleeps around. The tale of this particular encounter is in the Odyssey, which lots of high schoolers and young college students read from every year. Hephaestos thinks something is up with Aphrodite and Ares (which is true). So he tells Helios, the sun, to give him a shout the next time they sneak off together. He then pretends to leave Olympus, and Ares immediately goes up and winks and nudges Aphrodite, who eagerly acquieses, and off they go. To Hephaestos's house and bed (I know, bad taste). But little do they know that this whole thing about Hephaestos taking a day trip was a trick, and he's left invisible chains around the bed that capture them naked entwined together (yeah, that's poetic revenge). The sun tells him what's up, and Hephaestos heads home. Upon catching them, he yells for everyone to come see his whorish wife and her lover all tied up together. Some gods show up and make jokes about how it wouldn't be so bad to be stuck like that with Aphrodite, then Hephaestos gets offered reparations and he lets them go. They bolt off to their respective sacred places to lick their wounds.

While I don't think it's as flawed as the others I've mentioned, here's my issue:

• Marrying off Aphrodite to Hephaestos- cruel. For both parties.
• Shame on the other gods for making that awful situation worse. Shame. Can't blame them, but still.
• Aphrodite is the only female goddess who is really promiscuous. She's the goddess of love, but she seems to promote lust more. She really gets around, but Ares seems to be her favorite. She doesn't really support the idea of wedded bliss and marital love; then again, marriage isn't her specialty. Just lovin'.
• Ares is a wuss. Despite being the god of war, he's a big crybaby. It's sad that Aphrodite would prefer being with him because he's pretty than being with her husband, who is physically imperfect but he makes beautiful things. Shallow hussy, that Aphrodite.

The god of all things enlightened, and he has no luck at all with the ladies. Or the men, for that matter. There are many stories that contribute to this trait of his. All we know is that most people rejected him, or the one who didn't got accidentally killed by Apollo himself. Somehow in all this, Apollo did father a son, who was struck down by Zeus, causing Apollo to rebel angrily (go figure- he finally gets lucky enough to have a son, and then he gets offed by grandpa). This is a bit different from the previous three in that it isn't a story, but a facet of the god himself. I really want to know why the Greeks saw him this way.

Possibilities:

• Was there no woman who was good enough for the god of all things rational and enlightened?
• Was he too rational? No, couldn't be. He was the god of music and poetry for crying out loud. Besides, he fell in love lots, it just wasn't reciprocated.
• My textbook for the class suggests that his eternal youth keeps him from being lucky in love. I find that a dissatisfying answer. Logical, yes, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. If he was so musical and poetic and rational, then he was plenty wise and mature enough for the ladies. Now, if his being unlucky is just a symbol of young men in general being unlucky in love, then I can accept it. I just think it's a pretty bad deal for the god, ya know what I mean?